Day 10-11 of Self-Love Challenge

 “Why have you valued yourself in pennies when you are worth a king’s         ransom?  Why did you listen to those who demeaned  you…..and far worse, why did you believe them?”

   -OG MANDINO

Today I acknowledge my worth despite the flaws I have and broken parts yet to be fixed.

Another label….broken.

 Were you labeled at some point in your life as “broken”.  I was.  From birth I was broken,  The words are painful to speak but they infiltrated my brain at a very early age and although I tried so hard to “fix” the broken part since I really didn’t know what it was the task was impossible.

Many of us were labeled broken,  The adoptees, the abused, the fosters, the discards.  They would have kept us if we weren’t broken..right?  Wrong!

Leonard Cohen sings so brilliantly about being broken, being “cracked” and that’s where the light gets in.  I so believe that.  I now love my cracks and am on my way to filling with light.

A few years ago I was in a store and saw a Buddha on a sales table with the label “broken”.  I picked him up and inspected him from head to toe and saw nothing.  I thought perhaps there had been a mistake made and asked the sales clerk.  “Oh no!” She said.  “See that little crack right there, that makes him broken and nobody will buy him with a crack”.  He came home with me that day.  He was no more broken than I.

It’s the labels that confine us.  The labels from life, from parents, from school, from society.  People are so willing to throw out labels, as if it is safer to put us in little boxes and the world will run better because we are neatly stacked in boxes with labels.

My labels came with a price tag.  My worth was calculated by how perfect i could look, behave, perform.  It all had to be perfect or my worth was nothing.  I wasn’t good enough.  Those labels rock a child’s self esteem and set them up for a lifetime of angst.  Those labels can be a heavy burden to carry into adulthood and taint everything in our world.

Often, especially with adopted children. When we reach puberty and begin to display traits that don’t “fit” the perfect mould that was expected and demanded, the trouble begins.  In reality, there is nothing wrong with us.  We are just being who we really are in genetics.  

For all people that don’t fit the mould…there is nothing wrong with you…NOTHING. 

Og Mandino wrote in The Greatest Miracle in the World.  “Never, until the end of time, will there be another such as you.”  Appreciate your uniqueness, your flaws, your cracks ,for they are yours alone.  

Understanding your uniqueness is what esteeming the Self is all about.  It’s realizing that you have been good enough, smart enough, worthy enough all along.

Buddha said “Everything we are is the result of what we have thought”

Today, I believe in my worth.  I am filled with the light that gets in through all of my “cracks”.  I am not broken and neither are you.  You are worthy and beautiful, flaws and all.  Start saying that and thinking and soon you will believe.

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Day 8 of Self-Love Challenge

This is what we say in the “mast cell world” when the mast cells take over.  My challenge for the last few days was to pay attention and take care of myselfImagesomething I have been known to avoid, ignore, not believe it was needed anything to just keep going.  I know I wrote about that in another post.  Obviously it’s something I need a lot of practice in.  

This past week, I had appointments with doctors on the last 3 days and that, was all I could manage.  I wanted to write, I sat down to write, but the words wouldn’t come and the eyes wouldn’t see…so I lay down where I should have been in the first place..

If I am not for myself, who will be for me?

  If I am only for myself, what good am I?

    And if not now,, when?

     -Hillel

Growing up, there was no such thing as self-care.  I’m sure those of us from the 50’s know what I’m talking about.  Imagine…no spa’s, no holiday’s, no relaxing by the beach with a book, no yoga classes, no pedicures or dining out.

 Horrors!  I can hear it now…”What! No spa? No yoga class?  What did you do?  Well, my darlings…we worked.  We worked in the garden, we canned, we painted rooms and ceilings and floors and then washed the dirty clothes in a wringer washer that you had to manually stand and feed the clothes through the ringer..Yup…stand.  And then, it was time to get dinner ready.

We are now in an era of excessive self care…not excessive self love, let me make that clear but for many of us…now..us older folk..self love is the reason we don’t do much self care.. 

Did you follow that?  

There is nothing  you have to do to earn your self-love and self -acceptance. We are good enough, smart enough,

We aren’t broken and we don’t need to be fixed.  But, herein lies the paradox. If we are perfect just the way we are, then why are we on the self-improvement treadmill.  Why do we push ourselves to the brink of  no return.

Self acceptance people!  Feeling okay about where we are right now and just being in that space until it’s time to move forward.

How often have you attended to others when you yourself were tired and wanting?  How often have you filled someone else’s cup when yours was empty?

It used to be considered selfish and unkind to attend to ourselves first.  We, the older generation were taught to put others before ourselves always.  There has to be a balance.  To stay on our path, to focus on our visions there is something to be said for appropriate time for self care.  Many of us are still  relearning that belief to include ourselves in the care.

Thus, my last few days of unwritten blog entry’s were taken up by self-care.