You’ll notice I left out the day I am on in the Self-Love Challenge. This is because, for me, it will continue on for as long as I have. I discovered after peeling back the layers over the years the last and hopefully final layer is learning to love and value myself as the being I intellectually know I am.
Deanna, over at Adoptee Restoration is the inspiration for todays words and also the fact that right now, in this very moment I need so badly to know I am loved and to get that, I must look inside.
- How terrible it is to be ravaged by doubt as a human being, an adopted being, a lost street person or anyone that has suffered in this world and perhaps been shunned How sad to not know the impact we make on others, to not have the faith to know that we matter, that we are cherished. These are traits of many, not just adoptees. In adoption these beliefs are hardwired in and we wander through life wondering and trying to figure out what it is that makes life so difficult for us. Turns out, its those deep seated beliefs, that we are unlovable, even though we the first ones to give, the unworthy even thought we are the first to praise others.
- I look at “her”….that little girl that I will probably post many pictures of as I get ready to decide which ones will go in my books. I am struck by the blank, lost, and forgotten look. She is me..she needs to be loved and nurtured. I need constant reminding of that. A persons heart is like a gas tank. It needs to be constantly topped up with fuel if we expect it to work sufficiently, to have energy to move forward. When these tanks are low or empty in some cases, our energy is the same..non existent.
- I went to an I CAN DO IT conference last April in Vancouver. Hay House puts them on. I had been told by others that once you go to one, you will always go back again. Because I was getting ready to publish and I am in line with their beliefs I decided to go. My body fights against these things by setting off the mast cell cascade that leads to anaphylaxis and it was making it clear I should say home, where my environment is controlled.
- I’ve never been one to avoid a challenge in that sense and something was pulling me, pushing me to go, so I went.
- I found out it was true what others had said about going back, about being inspired, about feeling the LOVE and CONNECTION.
You could feel the energy in the room. You could almost taste the sweetness of loving words floating from the stage. I was soaking it up, word by word and wrapping my fragile, weakened heart in the love that was so profoundly there with these strangers. Wayne Dyer spoke all morning and one sentence he said, penetrated my soul deeply.
He said, “Come from a place of LOVE not FEAR”
How many of us live in a place of fear? Fear of being hurt. Fear of being rejected. Fear of not having the love returned. Fear of being …
What if….what if we lived our lives from a place of love instead? Imagine that. Instead of coming from the pain body, the hurt heart..if we could get out of ourselves and our ego’s just long enough to see the other person, really see them and come from a place of love. I don’t mean the superficial coats we all wear. Those brightly coloured coats of anger and hostility and defensiveness..i mean the real essence of the person. Their heart, their goodness, their true being. What if we chose to look there, instead of our own fear based projections.
Come from a place of Love, Come from a place of Love, not fear.
Our complete purpose on this earth and in this life is to do just that. So it’s difficult..big deal. It’s what matters in the end. It’s what matters now .
There are only four questions of value in life.
“What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth dying for? What is worth living for?”
And the answer to all four, is LOVE.”
-Don Juan De Marco
Yet, to come from a place of love takes practice. That little adopted girl up there never felt love, never knew love. She lives within this grownup middle aged body and needs reassurance, not rejection. Love, not anger and patience. Unfortunately, or fortunately I get that it has to come from within. It would be helpful to have the luxury of outside confirmation but ultimately the love for her has to be found within.
Come from a place of LOVE, not fear.
What will matter in the final days of our lives is love, nothing more.
Today I will nurture that inner child with love and acceptance. It wasn’t her fault. She is worthy and wanted, giving and of grace.
She is Love, pure and simple LOVE.